In fact, parents absolutely know what’s best for their kids in every situation, which is why you’ve never heard of a mom calling a doctor at two AM because her child has a fever. Moms automatically know exactly what to do. They know better than anyone what their child needs or doesn’t need. When a woman conceives a child, the entirety of human knowledge is written into her essence and as that child is brought forth unto this world, that knowledge flowers in her mommy brain and every decision she makes for her child is absolutely the right, and only right decision. That’s why the vaccination debate is so ridiculous to me…because moms inherently know more than everyone. So here are 5 reasons to vaccinate your kids.

1. You don’t like them, anyway.

I get it. Some kids are just born a little more awful than others. So if your plan is to not vaccinate your kid in hopes that they’ll catch some horrible virus that’ll off them so you can start over, sure. That makes total sense. It’s evil, and disgusting, and I hope you get a million fire ant bites, but hey, the good news is that’s less likely to happen to you than your child catching something deadly because you’re an inherent dumb-dumb.

2. You’re more scared of big scientific sounding words than you are of viruses that have killed millions upon millions of people.

I get it! Vaccines have a lot of big, scary words. And, some of the ingredients in vaccines have been linked to carcinogenic risks and I bet even a very eensy teensy tiny portion of the population might be allergic to some of the ingredients and they might have a bad reaction. Know what? That’s why the doctor keeps you at the office for 15 minutes after your child receives a vaccine. That way if they react, the doctor can fix it. Nifty set up, huh? And as for the scary words, know what other scientific word kills people? Dihydrogen monoxide. And yet you still put it into your body every single day. So put away your dictionary, and stop freaking out over words that you maybe don’t understand.

3. You believe all internet memes are true.

“Gandhi was against vaccines. A mother flipping meme told me so.” Yeah, I’ve seen that meme. And I’ve looked it up. And you know what he compared vaccines to? Eating beef. Vaccines are as bad as eating beef because cows and all life is sacred. So here’s where that comes from: the small pox vaccine was derived from cows infected with cow pox. Which means that every person who received a small pox vaccine was being given a small amount of cow. I can definitely understand why a man whose religion holds cows as sacred would be against being injected with one. But unless you, too, are a fruitarian (which he was), perhaps you should put down your Big Mac and go get your kids their freakin’ vaccines.

4. You’d rather your children build their immunity to things like polio and measles naturally…just like you did.

Oh, wait. You didn’t have polio did you. Know why? ‘CAUSE YOUR PARENTS GOT YOU VACCINATED!

5. You know more about vaccines from that one article you read online than your pediatrician knows after eight years of higher education and thousands of hours of study.

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