“What frustrates me,” he said this week, “is that the British think they know about tea, but most people have no idea what they are doing.”
He has declared that tea should be brewed for up to five minutes. Anything less than two and you might as well be drinking “a hot milky drink” which he claims is “like using a laptop to hammer a nail into a wall”.
Five minutes! Leaving a tea bag in the mug for 300 seconds is an absurd indulgence, especially in an era of Nespresso machines pumping out near-instant cups of coffee and Quooker taps that can supply boiling water at the push of the button. Abraham Lincoln was able to deliver the Gettysburg Address in three minutes. Surely, it is possible to brew a good cup of tea in less time?
Bill Gorman is not convinced by Prof Miodownik’s ruling. He should know - he’s the chairman of the Tea and Infusions Association (formerly the British Tea Council, but even the staid world of Earl Grey has to keep up with the racy new commers such as Salted Caramel Green tea).
“I am always sceptical of any scientist entering the world of food and drink and saying, `this is the way to do it’,” says Gorman. “I used to work for Diageo [the spirits distiller] and what killed the whisky industry was the snobbery. A bunch of fusty men telling consumers how they could and could not drink whisky.”
He says he often likes a five-minute brew “so the spoon stands up in it”. But this does not make his tea “better” or more scientifically valid. “It really is a matter of personal taste,” he says.
Miodownik insists a quick brew might even be an ethically impoverished one. “So much work has gone into growing and manufacturing your tea bag, the least you can do it is give it a bit of time and treat it with respect.”
An admirable attitude, but not practical for most people.
Also, many believe that five minutes is just too long, creating a brew as dark and malodorous as anything Macbeth’s three weird sisters could concoct.
Alex Probyn, a master tea blender and owner of Blends for Friends, says: “Well, in one respect, five minutes is completely correct. But in another respect, you will produce a drink that is completely unpalatable.”
He says that it takes at least 90 seconds for the just-boiled (always freshly drawn) water to start drawing the anti-oxidants out of the leaves. “The longer you brew it, the better, from a health perspective.”
But most of us do not drink tea for its health benefits. We drink it because we like it, because it provides a mug of liquid sanctuary in this hectic world.
“Five minutes of brewing really brings out the tannins, that really strong flavour that bites into the tongue - that drying-out sensation,” says Probyn. “Some people like that stewed brew taste. But others will find it overly powerful.”
He points out that most tea manufacturers know full well that the average time consumers leave tea bags in their mugs is about 40 seconds. As a result, they produce bags containing small leaves with lots of surface area - allowing us to make decent cups of tea very swiftly.
This is the rub. According to the Tea and Infusions Association, 96 per cent of all the tea drunk in Britain - 165 million cups a day - is made using a tea bag.
• Taste test: are pyramid teabags better?
Most agree that loose-leaf tea needs about five minutes to infuse its flavour around a full teapot, but these drinkers are in a tiny minority.
Prof Miodownik is one of them. He admits that he wooed his partner, Ruby, over a pot of loose-leaf Assam. “She liked the romance of me carefully making a pot of tea for her. A lot of tea drinking is about the ceremony.”
It worked. They now have two children and Ruby even knits him tea cosies.
It’s a lovely thought, but suggests Prof Miodownik has committed the ultimate scientific solipsism and allowed emotions to cloud his reason like skimmed milk in a cup of Lapsang.
Five minutes may be good for him, but many of us will continue to dunk our tea bags, give it a prod, and get drinking.
